Breakdown

You guys don't know how I've been feeling lately.

It's been a whirlwind of emotions... with some apathy mixed in. Throw in some homework and friendship problems and you have my life from the past two months.

Sure, it's gotten better lately- but mainly because I could almost say that I've stopped feeling anything except for anger. Even though this also means I haven't been depressed, I don't think this is very healthy. Take Chemistry for instance. I got a 7. A freaking 7. Which is what I've wanted for ages.

And... I wasn't even happy.

This scares me- well not really, because I don't get scared anymore, remember? So it's as scary as it an get without chilling me in reality.

Let's put it this way: when I got a (relatively) bad grade on an essay, I didn't feel upset. I felt... angry?

Anger seems to have replaced everything in my circle of emotions. Sure, there are moments of fleeting glee (that aren't really happiness, it's a different thing altogether) but they go away as soon as I stop talking or laughing.

I can't seem to be anything except neutral/gleeful/pissed off at the world.

What happened to Little Miss Emotional? What happened to me? Not me as a person, but me as a soul?

If this is growing up, I'd rather remain a kid forever.

I can't say life sucks, but it sure is getting strange. I want to be me again.

Or is this emotionlessness just for... today? It feels like it's been like this for weeks...

Somewhere else. . .

I actually do have a post to go with this song
check out my blog blog
I posted there since the stuff has a lot to do with my life
and its quite personal stuff...

最高の片想い

歌：タイナカ サチ
作詞：タイナカ サチ
作曲：タイナカ サチ
編曲：藤井丈司/小山晃平
　
　
いつもすごく自由なあなたは今
この雨の中どんな夢を追いかけているの
どこかで孤独と戦いながら
涙も我慢してるんだろう

一人でも大丈夫と　あなたも私と同じ
遠回りばかりだけど　なぜかこの道が好きで

幸せだとか嬉しい時は
あなたの事を思い出すから
色鮮やかな季節はきっと
この想い届けてくれる
　
　
憧れとか好きだとか嫌いだとか
そういう気持ちだとはどこか違うんだけれど
あなたのその美しい流れに
私も乗せてほしい

曖昧な言葉よりも　簡単な約束より
欲しいのは手のぬくもり　そして二人だけの時

もしもあなたが悲しいのなら
明日が少し見えないのなら
頼って欲しい私はきっと
これからもあなたを想う
　
　
幸せだとか嬉しい時は
あなたの事を思い出すから
色鮮やかな季節はきっと
この想い届けてくれる
　

Vocal: Tainaka Sachi
Lyrics: Tainaka Sachi
Composition: Tainaka Sachi
　
　
Itsumo sugoku jiyuu na anata wa ima
Kono ame no naka donna yume wo oikaketeiru no
Dokoka de kodoku to tatakai nagara
Namida mo gaman shiterun darou

Hitori de mo daijoubu to anata mo watashi to onaji
Toomawari bakari dakedo naze ka kono michi ga suki de

Shiawase da toka ureshii toki wa
Anata no koto wo omoidasu kara
Iro azayaka na kisetsu wa kitto
Kono omoi todokete kureru
　
　
Akogare toka suki toka kirai da toka
Sou iu kimochi da to wo dokoka chigaun da keredo
Anata no sono utsukushii nagare ni
Watashi mo nosete hoshii

Aimai na kotoba yori mo kantan na yakusoku yori
Hoshii no wa te no nukumori soshite
Futari dake no toki

Moshimo anata ga kanashii no nara
Ashita ga sukoshi mienai no nara
Tayotte hoshii watashi wa kitto
Kore kara mo anata mo houmou
　
　
Shiawase da toka ureshii toki wa
Anata no koto wo omoidasu kara
Iro azayaka na kisetsu wa kitto
Kono omoi todokete kureru
　　
Normally you were so free in spirit –
What dream might you be chasing after now in this rain?
No matter where you might be battling with loneliness,
You were always holding back your tears, right?

You say “I’ll be all right even when alone.” - just like I do
Despite detours everywhere, for some reason, we have taken to this path

In times of happiness or joy,
I’ll remember of you
And I am sure that this season, with its vivid colours,
Will convey these feelings of mine to you
　
　
Longing, liking, or dislike –
Though saying my feelings for you are of those seems somewhat wrong,
I want to follow your beautiful shadow*

More than vague words or simple promises,
What I desire is the warmth of your hand, and
A time only for the two of us

If you should feel sad,
Or if tomorrow [the future] can’t be clearly seen,
I, who wish you would rely on me,
Would continue to think of you
　
　
In times of happiness or joy,
I’ll remember of you
And I am sure that this season, with its vivid colours,
Will convey these feelings of mine to you

Underneath

I'm sure all of you have heard this song before- it's that annoying song that Chicken Little danced to in the commercial that was almost as funny as the movie itself. Yes, I thought Chicken Little was a good movie. What's wrong with that? It was cute. And funny.

And so I got the song, wouldn't stop listening to it for three or four months or so, then totally forgot about it one fine day, and buried it deep in the recesses of my iTunes playlist.

Until today- I thought that I'd drag it out for all of you to be annoyed at, and to enjoy!

Vrei sa pleci dar nu ma, nu ma iei,
Nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei.
Chipul tau si dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai!

I want to be fourteen again. The year of 2005 was easily one of the best in my life. And compared to the next year, which was mortal hell, it was pure heaven. 2007's been okay so far, but when I get my IGCSE results (check your inboxes on Friday!) I'll probably be singing to a different tune. Ah well, c'est la vie....

Life in a Loop

Hey, while this town is covered by twilight,
The morning sun is shining down somewhere else in this world.
As that flower withers away in your hand,
A little seed probably falls into the ground somewhere.

If the trodden soil is called a path,
Then is shutting my eyes love?

If our star was flat, the two of us wouldn't have met.
We were running without slowing down,
As if from each other. No matter how far apart we are now,
We will surely face each other again in this revolving miracle.

Hey, when the twilight passes from this town,
Take my tears away too.

If a story of words is called a novel,
Then are these words that can't reach it my dream?

Carried by fallen leaves floating in the river that flows without faltering,
Became clouds with the sea and fell with the rain,
I will raise this seed that fell near the distant you.
If only you would notice me from your distant location.

Because our star revolves without stopping,
The sceneries outside the tiny opened window,
And the flower I loved, we will surely face each other again,
In this revolving miracle, in this sprouting season,
We will surely face each other again.
Round and round I go,
Round and round around you.

The lyrics convey all I want to say. . .
all are lives keep revolving in a loop after all . . .

Sunny days

Those of you that know my tastes in anime well will be groaning by now, and those that don't- well, I'd recommend that you watch The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Now. It may be crazy, but it's crazy in a good, happy way. I really can't say much about it that doesn't spoil it for you, except: Don't judge it by Episode 00! Please!

I'm sure all of you have wondered what it would be like if we could solve all the world's mysteries. And I don't just mean big mysteries like where all the missing socks went or whether ghosts exist, but even the small things... Like the mysteries about human nature and what people can do to achieve what they want.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't such a small thing, but still. Ever wondered how someone could be one of your best friends one day and your murderer the next? Or how you could see someone kill right in front of your eyes, then find out that he did it for a VERY, VERY good reason, one that only he and you could understand? Or how some people can commit evil, then be swayed by love or something along those lines?

I have, and I've dedicated my life to trying to find out! *cough* Well, not really.

Another thing I'd like to solve is: What is God? Without a doubt, He exists; there are too many little miracles in life for Him not to. And without God, how would we be created? And don't come and tell me "The Universe created us," because then WHAT created the universe? We need an omnipotent being. Though what kind of omnipotent being?

Sometimes, I wonder whether we are characters in a story, and there's an author dictating the way our lives are being written. We all play the roles of the main character, a supporting character, background character, and the villain at once; it just depends on whose point of view you're looking at. Take me for example. I am the main character in my story, and a supporting character on that of my friends'. For those who are acquaintances, I play the role of a background character, someone who does not do much except speak a line or two or sit far away. And in the eyes of those who hate me; I am the enemy, the one out there making their lives miserable or the one who is a constant thorn in their side, whether I am aware of this or not.

Hopefully, I'm being a good character, and not one that's too difficult to write. Because if I am, the author may just decide to randomly kill me off... Now wouldn't you guys like that. Sigh.

If we hold our hands together,
We'll be invincible at our destination.
Nothing is impossible in these sparkling eyes.
Just look up and the tears will dry.
"I want to change!"
Shout from the bottom of your heart and it'll be heard.
Break off running and leave the others behind.
Your heart is beating fast, right?

It's actually summer right now...
Can you tell?No?
I'm not surprise. It rains everyday.

Anyway, I think summer's the season people get most "lovey dovey". Since wei yun mentioned wanting to run into the sunset with the boy of her dreams, I will make it clear here that I will not run into the sunset like her because I'm not stupid enough to try kill myself or permanently blind myself. So run along now wei wei. If you're gone, the blog is all mine. MINE! My ppreciousssss!

I'm not really all lovey dovey but I am in the love mode. (whether it is in love, or broken heart mode is another story, its still about love yah?) Actually, I've had like 10-20 predictions of getting into a relationship already. *pfft* There's been no one stupid enough to come by for me to grab. (and its not like anybody would do) I can't even find a guy how do I get into a relationship? I really can't trust these things sometimes.

Out of the list long movies I like there's one that's REALLY about love. Just love. So I put the song from it here to create an army of "dreamy girls". It would be great to have a love which you could honestly say "come what may" or in simpler words "do whatever the hell you want with me, I've got him/her, I don't give a damn". As I said in the previous post, I feel like my life is defined by the presence of my friends. Sometimes I really am surprised by how much happiness is brought by just the sound of your voices and it brings as much happiness to know that I'm helpful and meaningful to someone's life.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

Pin's weird fact: I was thinking that the guy from moulin rouge was awfully familiar. So I looked him up in wikipedia. If you're still not sure who I'm talking about. I'm talking bout the guy who sang THIS song. He's

Ewan McGregor

does that ring any bells? If not I'd like to ask you where you've been living for the past few years. He's the guy who plays Obi-Wan Kenobi!!! So you sing and you duel with light sabers huh??? Maybe he practices singing with his light saber (pretend its a microphone). Who knows but the guy's darn talented! I absolutely love you!!!

Oh yeah and he made an appearance on Stormbreaker too even if it was just for a small period of time. You remember Ian rider? Yes thats him the protagonist's uncle!!! AMAZING!!!

Born to Run

Everybody! Pin gave you guys the wrong phone number. It's actually 04-2264781 ^^

Okay, onto my post now. You guys may be wondering why I'm bothering to blog about this song, which is really almost as old as my mum. But I'll just tell you guys that this post was inspired by a book I read- Battle Royale, and this was the main character's favourite song. However, the song wasn't included in the movie due to copyright issues.

Personally, I don't think that the singing is that great. It's not bad, but not brilliant. Maybe it's just me, but I'm not a big fan of 70s-style bawling. But I LOVE the tune and the lyrics. They give me this crazy-weird dystopic feeling... Give me a mental image of Shuya taking Noriko's hand, and running through the crowds, past the guards who are out to get them, past the people who are wondering who they are, and jumping on a boat to America where they can start a new life...

But I digress. Now, here are the lyrics for all of you to stare at. And if you think they're funny, all I can say is HEY! I told you I was strange.

In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
Its a death trap, its a suicide rap
We gotta get out while were young
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims
And strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
Well run till we drop, baby well never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
`cause baby Im just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real

Beyond the palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
The girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors
And the boys try to look so hard
The amusement park rises bold and stark
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist
I wanna die with you wendy on the streets tonight
In an everlasting kiss

The highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody's out on the run tonight but theres no place left to hide
Together wendy well live with the sadness
Ill love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I dont know when were gonna get to that place
Where we really want to go and well walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us baby we were born to run

Maybe that's what I secretly want to do, come to think of it. Run away from home where I won't be faced with pressure and the horrors of the upcoming IB course. But nah. I think that I actually have a pretty good life. I don't have to worry about many of the things that people think about day and night...

But still, there are those days that I want to escape, and just run into the sunset holding hands with the boy of my dreams. Who is NOT named Wendy. Thank God. And in case you're wondering, it's not someone that exists in real life, nor is it a fictional character.

Who is it, then? I have no idea! xD I seem to be going off-topic a lot, don't I? Back to the post.

In a way, I believe that everyone has an escapist inside them, no matter how good, how bad, or how random your life is. There's always the things that bug you and make you want to scream. Those little things that annoy you to the extent that they become your "suicide machines" and those bigger things that are "death traps". And there's always that elusive something you're chasing. That so-called "American dream" that we're all looking towards, be it riches, happiness, health, career...

May everyone that reads this achieve them!